FireChuckLandon.com- WVU leaving for greener pastures.

When we last left the Cheap Suit-wearing mountebank known as “Cheap Suit Chucky”, he was probably mouthing off about WVU or something. This week, that’s the case because he’s butthurt from WVU actually having the balls to do all they can to survive in this conference-realignment tornado, and it was bolt to the Heartland of America known as the Big 12.

Will he gripe about Oliver Luck? How about the time he got accosted by a Houston fan? Oh wait, I wasn’t supposed to mention that…

Chuck Landon: WVU will pay price for leaving Big East

November 03, 2011 @ 12:00 AM

CHUCK LANDON

The Herald-Dispatch

One ring or three ring?
You turd, it’s 5 GOLDEN RINGS! Someone’s an obvious scrooge.

Pick your circus, WVU.
The one that doesn’t have the bearded lady from Marshall every year by government decree is a good one.

As bad as the Big East has gotten. … and make no mistake, commissioner John Marinatto is in so far over his head not even Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps could dive in and save him.
Sources say that Chuck Landon has pictures of Michael Phelps (wearing Speedos) pinned up all around his cubicle at the Herald Dispatch. In all honesty, though, I don’t even think a tugboat could move Marinatto.

That being said, the Big 12 just might be an even bigger circus.
I hear the Texas State Fair is a dandy every year!

Just consider the last couple of weeks.

First, the Big 12 was going to invite WVU to join. The Mountaineers scheduled a press conference with all the trimmings. But, then, the league canceled its visit to Morgantown because it wanted to consider Louisville as a candidate.
No, Chuck, it’s because the Big 12 realized that MizzWHO may stick around, and had to hash out a plan for an 11-team schedule. Loserville wasn’t a huge part of it, despite Mitch McConnell’s 11th hour lobbying. SLOBBERKNOCKER!!! OH MAH GAWD!!!

That candidacy lasted for all of. … oh, one day.
No, you ass.

Then, the Big 12 reconnected with WVU, inviting the Mountaineers to join with two stipulations.

No. 1: WVU has to join the Big 12 in time to compete in the 2012 football season or not at all.
DENIED!

No. 2: The runway at Morgantown Municipal Airport must be extended.
FALSE! Sen. Jay Rockefeller said he would look into it. Teams can fly in to the Clarksburg/Bridgeport Airport or into Pittsburgh.

The stipulations flew under the radar for a while, but they eventually surfaced in interim commissioner Chuck Neinas’ comments at a Big 12-WVU soiree on Tuesday in Morgantown.
To which a certain Scribe in a Cheap Suit was not invited to.

“We needed a 10th member next season to fulfill our TV commitments,” Neinas was quoted by The Associated Press. “There’s an inventory that goes with a contract for TV, so we’ve got to be able to do that.”
He’s right… it’s regarding the FOX contract. You want 10 teams, especially with Gus Johnson behind the microphone.

He voiced the same stipulations to sources with knowledge of the situation.
Sources also indicate that Chuck Landon and Doc Holliday hit up the Huntington Mall to try on women’s clothing during Marshall off weeks.

But, then, the quote hit the fan.

The Big 12 went in full-blown retraction mode Wednesday, contradicting Neinas’ comments by saying West Virginia’s membership in the conference isn’t conditional, after all.
As was the original stipulation. Nothing, and I mean nothing will stop WVU from entering the Big 12 this summer.

A Big 12 spokesman named Bob Burda — instead of Neinas, interestingly enough — released a statement saying the Mountaineers’ membership “is not contingent upon (them) joining the Conference for the 2012-13 season.
That’s a spokesman’s job, you putz. Did you ever think that Neinas could be busy? PERHAPS! A lofty thought, isn’t it, Chucky?

He did not elaborate.
Here are those…

Thank God for small favors.
…one-sentence PARAGRAPHS!!! JUST STOP ALREADY, LANDON!!!!!!

Despite the Big 12 spin doctoring, Neinas’ intentions were indeed two stipulations. That is clear. Why else did WVU move so swiftly with its lawsuit against the Big East?
Dang, Chuck, you never have anything good to say unless it’s about Doc Holliday, right?

Neither Pitt nor Syracuse is moving with such expediency to leave the same league.
That’s because they know they can suck in the Big Least for a little while longer and it won’t faze them or the ACC.

There’s a reason for that.
Yeah, because they SUCK!

Maybe the first stipulation has been lifted. Maybe not. But, either way, WVU is working at Chuck Yeager speed — hear the sonic boom? — to exit the Big East.
Yeah, Chuck, wouldn’t you want to get off of a sinking ship as fast as you could?

Will it happen? I believe so. It will come with a hefty price tag, however.
A LOFTY price tag? PERHAPS. High figures with lots of zeros? MAYBE!

WVU is not going to get out of the Big East merely by paying the $5 million exit fee. Not even close. Since WVU is one of the member schools that actually crafted the 27-month exit requirement clause in the Big East bylaws it’s now trying to break, the league is reacting to this lawsuit like a jilted lover.
Those “bylaws” were crafted by David “Mace” Hardesty when he was running the show. Well, Hardesto is now up at the Law School teaching, last I heard.

Want a divorce, WVU? Want to trade me in for a sexier conference? Then, show me the money.
Chuck, believe me when I say (and I’m sure about 99% of people would agree with me) there is absolutely NOTHING sexy about you that I doubt any woman would find attractive. Oh wait, he meant the Big Least. Yeah, that conference sucks.

The $21 million figure that has been tossed around is probably about right. It seemed worthwhile right up until the third ring was added to the Big 12 circus on Wednesday.
$21 million? I say the over/under will be set around $14million, and I’ll take the UNDER.

Can this league really be trusted?
Kind of. Which is more than can be said about the Big Least.

That is becoming a very relevant question.
Chuck, you make me laugh… you actually claim to know “relevance” when you’re the one who spouts white lies in your very column.

It has been one snafu after another with the Big 12. Even the Tuesday feel-good affair wasn’t exactly as feel-goodish as expected.
Yeah, only because you weren’t there to yuk it up with Don Nehlen and Mitch Vingle.

It seems the Big 12 didn’t envision it as a media event and was less than thrilled when state-wide television stations and newspapers showed up.
I’m sure they were notified that the media was coming, hence the POST-RECEPTION PRESS CONFERENCE in front of the Big 12 backdrop, you idiot!

Why, one sports columnist’s cell phone even rang during the proceedings, revealing the WVU fight song as his ringtone.
Hey, that’s the ringtone I have on my iPhone! Chuck’s ringtone would probably be “Loser” by Beck… the new fight song Marshall will roll out next year.

Yes, it’s a circus.
A circus, Chuck, which you will not be privy to. Now, have fun in the (soon to be more) weak Conference USA!