Fun with Yucky Chucky: How dare WVU!


When we last left Cheap Suit Chucky, he was on a very poor-man’s version of Conan.

This week? Oh boy… he is fuming that WVU is going to be playing a “home” game at FedEx Field in 2012 vs. JMU… after the jump will be all the fun.

And, AFTER the article, we will have a “surprise” for all of our readers.

Chuck Landon: FCS school lures WVU into playing ‘away’ game

June 27, 2011 @ 11:35 PM

The Herald-Dispatch

Mike Hamrick must feel bewildered beyond all belief.
How so, Chuck?

Not to mention bewitched and bothered.
Are you sure it’s not gas? Perhaps it was something Hamrick ate? Maybe it was something you gave him, Chuck…

How could he not?
Probably because he had other things to do yesterday. Unlike you, I’m not going to speak for the guy.

Why, I bet Marshall’s athletic director wandered around campus for about three hours on Monday, trying to make some sense out of West Virginia University reportedly planning to finalize a deal to play James Madison in Washington, D.C., during the 2012 football season.
I really bet he did, Landon… considering the AD, again, probably had other issues on his plate. Moron.

Who could blame him?

Just consider the scenario.

Hamrick has spent nearly three years trying to get such WVU officials as Eddie Pastilong and Oliver Luck to agree to a contract extension of the Marshall series.
Ain’t happenin’, Landon! Who wants to play a slapdick school from Eastern Kentucky anyway?

He hasn’t realized one iota of success.
Seriously, WVU has absolutely NOTHING to gain playing Marshall. Now, if Marshall was in a BCS Conference instead of boring Conference USA, then I’m sure the 2 schools would talk!

After playing the Mountaineers on Sept. 4 in Morgantown during the upcoming 2011 season and again on Sept. 1 at Mountaineer Field in 2012, the series will end.

It also means the conclusion of an intra-state rivalry game that carried the unique distinction of keeping all the money, all the generated revenue within the borders of West Virginia.
Can’t argue with that.

That’s the bewildering part of this James Madison deal.

According to the Charleston Daily Mail newspaper, WVU is planning to agree to move a home game on Sept. 15, 2012, from Morgantown to FedEx Field (home of the NFL Washington Redskins) to play the FCS opponent.
Yeah, so?

I repeat, a home game.
The one sentence paragraphs again, eh, Landon?

The Mountaineers must be getting an almost heavenly guarantee to make that move, right?
Yep, $2.25million and they don’t have to pay the opponent a fee to come and lose.

Uh, guess again.

WVU’s guarantee reportedly is just slightly more than $2 million, which is approximately what it makes on a home game. So, the Mountaineers are giving away a home game for what?
An additional guaranteed $250K, plus keeping around ~$300K that we’d usually have to pay an FCS opponent to come and lose.

Nothing, really.
Check again, dumbass!

WVU fans will be forced to drive an additional three hours or so. Morgantown area hotels, restaurants and convenience stores will lose the revenue from a home-game weekend. The Mountaineers will lose a game’s worth of beer sales.
Oh hardy har har har! There you go, Landon, making a mountain out of a molehill! Why don’t you go sing “My Old Kentucky Home” or something!? How about those of us fans that were forced to drive into the dump known as Huntington, KY, to sell-out The Joan to watch a crappy game where Doc Holliday did nothing but steal signals from Gomer Pyle, and when he finally got the sizeable lead, went into “Don Nehlen Prevent Defense Mode.” But, it didn’t matter, Geno Smith led a spectacular comeback and Huntington was flooded that night with Huntington Fat Hump tears!

And, basically, all the money from this GPS-challenged “home” game will go out of state.
GPS challenged!?


Just wow.

If all that isn’t incredulous enough, lump this bewildering fact on top. WVU is playing an FCS opponent — or I-AA opponent for all those traditionalists in the audience — on the road.
There’s an alumni presence in the DC area… WVU and JMU could pack (not sell-out, mind you) FedEx Field

I repeat, on the road.
We get it, Landon!

Oh, sure, it is classified as a WVU “home” game, but it’s not. James Madison is located in nearby Harrisonburg, Va., and has approximately 20,000 alumni in the Washington, D.C., area.
The numbers are the story, Landon.

Guess what? If WVU fans have to travel farther to this game than James Madison fans, it’s not a Mountaineer home game.
Looks like Chuck loves logistics! Hey, Chuck, how about loving to use a toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash and dental floss, you

Besides, when is the last time anyone can remember a BCS school playing a I-AA opponent in what amounts to being a road game?

Seldom, if ever.
Folks, Landon doesn’t have time to do research in order to provide hard facts and data. Rumor has it that Landon writes his articles with a crayon, and with Doc Holliday dictating as he types/writes.

I don’t know James Madison’s Jeff Bourne, but the school definitely needs to give their athletic director a contract extension and a big raise. After all, he appears to be pulling off the unthinkable.
For what, Chuck? PLAYIN WVU!!!

Think about it.
That’s more than what you can say you do for your columns.

Bourne is getting a Big East Conference school to give James Madison a home game.
*sighs* It’s not exactly a home game for JMU, anyway.

That’s amazing.
THAT’S TEH AMAZ0RZX!!!!!!11111

Or bewildering if you’re sitting in Hamrick’s chair mulling over the mind-boggling scenario of WVU giving away a home game, taking all the revenue out of state and playing a I-AA team on the road.
Why would Mike Hamrick care, in all honesty? He’s the Marshall Athletic Director, not the WVU Football Watchdog.

Hey, Mike, just so you know, I checked the calendar and it really wasn’t April Fools Day on Monday.
No shit, sherlock, it was June 27, 2011! Dumbass.

It just seemed that way.
Stop, Chuck. Just stop, already.

Now, thanks for reading our latest takedown of Cheap Suit Chucky’s piece. Our “surprise” is up ahead, and I must warn you, it’s not a birthday cake…