Schedule Preview: Non Conference

OK, so we are getting close to that time again. We are getting close to FOOTBALL SEASON! WOO!!! That’s right, fire up the grills, steal your neighbor’s beer, and get some MTOs at Sheetz… IT’S TIME FOR FOOTBALL SEASON!!!

I’ve decided to do a breakdown of our schedule by every opponent outside of the Big East Conference, and give them a ranking system that rivals the “Tucker Max Female Rating System.” I am going to rank our opponents on a scale of 1-5 Coonskin Hats, with 1 being a low-quality and 5 being top of the line. More after the jump.

Coastal Carolina Chanticleers
Conference: Big South
Last year’s record: 5-6 (3-3 in the Big South)
Record against FBS schools: 0-3. Lost to: Clemson (2009, 49-3); Kent State (2009, 18-0); & Penn State (2008; 66-10)

Rating:

out of 5

Simply because this is going to be a chance to see some of our younger talent, such as Barry Brunetti and Coley White, get to play. However, don’t look for Coach Stewart to run the score up.

Marshall University Thundering Herd
Conference: Conference USA
Last year’s record: 7-6 (4-4 in CUSA)
Record against WVU: 0-9.

Rating: This doesn’t even deserve a half of a cookskin cap! Here’s what the “Friends of Joe Bowl” deserves…

One Toilet Bowl Trophy, that’s about what the Governor’s Cup should look like! This game is NOT a rivalry, no matter how Joe Manchin and the Herdie-Terdies spin it. I mean, the only reason we’re playing them was so Manchin could secure the Huntington vote for his 2008 re-election bid. In fact, how could anyway affiliated with Marshall claim to be a West Virginian? They badmouth everything about West Virginia outside of Huntington, they’ve ripped off several features that WVU uses (having their rag-tag band botch “Country Roads”, and re-naming their student section the “Marshall Maniacs.”) In fact, they should be considered a school in Kentucky! Look for this 0-9 record to go 0-10 and Doc Holliday to be horsewhipped in Pullman Square afterwards by Mountaineer Fans for his betrayal.

University of Maryland Terrapins
Conference: Athletic Coast Conference (ACC)
Last year’s record: 2-10 (1-7 in ACC)
Last matchup against WVU: 2006

Rating:

out of 5

This is a rivalry that resumes after a 2-year hiatus. However, Maryland was awful last year, and look for the Mountaineers to stomp the Terps by at least 2 TDs + 1 FG (17 pts.)

Louisiana State University Tigers
Conference: Southeastern Conference (SEC)
Last year’s record: 9-4 (5-3 in SEC)
Last BCS National Championship: 2007

Rating:

out of 5

Get ready for a Saturday Night, southern barnburner, Mountaineer Fans! I believe this will be about as evenly matched as it gets. LSU’s had a couple of off-years after their National Championship over Ohio State, and rumors have it that Les Miles is on the hotseat. Meanwhile, this is Bill Stewart’s Judgment Season. Since he took over, WVU has been 1-1 against SEC teams (both games against the Lee County Cow College known as Auburn.) Also, Death Valley is nothing to scoff at… these fans are NUTS! Just don’t take it personal when LSU fans refer to us as Tiger Bait, just smile and make some thinly-veiled jokes that ends with “bait”, and you’ll be enjoying gumbo and crawfish in no time flat with their fans! To the WVU faithful making their way to Baton Rouge; I wish you safe travels. I will be purchasing a new cell phone that weekend (my contract is up with AT&T) and as such, will not be making the trip.

University of Nevada-Las Vegas
Conference: Mountain West Conference (MWC)
Last year’s record: 5-7 (3-5 in MWC)
Larry Johnson never played football for UNLV.

Rating:

out of 5

Meh… this is just another patsy game before WVU enters the grind of the Big East Conference. Look for Barry Brunetti and Jeremy Johnson to split snaps in the 2nd half.

And this concludes the non-conference portion of the schedule. Tomorrow, we’ll have the Conference Preview, which will be more in-depth.