Today’s blog post was written by future HailWV.com staff writer Alan Searles.
Dear Blog Followers of Al (BFAs),
1. The Blog is based upon my opinion and thus should be regarded with the utmost respect. Any mutterings otherwise and you will suffer a three week ban of watching MAC football, lose texting privileges, and beHolgo’s DD for a month.
2. Ohio State, the buckeye nut, and the greater state of Ohio are all poor representatives of football and our nation. Need proof? That guy from the movie The Patriot who killed hundreds of women and children wanted Ohio as his prize when the Brits won the American Revolution. Ohio was always destined for evil. Ohio and its subsidiaries will be properly treated in the most inappropriate manner I can think of. Anyone who objects will be forced to sit in the left lane on the interstate behind an Ohioan minivan going 15 mph slower than the right lane.
3. The Big Ten Network may not be covered in the TV schedule. This is a rule largely because I have strong fears that Jim Delany is a devil worshipper. The times and regional coverage in the schedule will be based on what is convenient for me. Any requests for changes to modify the previous statements or complaints are considered a violation. Punishment is watching all games with 3D glasses on a non-3D TV.
4. I have a general distaste for Notre Dame. Not for their history or success, but due to the irrational love fest they receive as well as the fact that they are given unfair advantages in BCS play. Any inexplicit, irrational, or homerism defense of the Irish will not be tolerated. Since you are likely Irish if you violate this rule, the punishment will be a one week potato famine for your family and a month ban from any Lou Holtz motivational videos or Rudy.
5. While reading this Blog you should face towards Morgantown, close and reopen the monitor to your laptop five times, while muttering the lyrics to Country Roads. Ohm chants are optional. If viewing via a desktop monitor, turning off and on the screen five times is an acceptable resolution to not being able to shut the screen. Failure to do so is bad karma. You shall be reported to the Mountaineer Athletic Club and any MAC membership benefits shall be revoked.
1. Every time you see a grammatical error or find some other issue with my writing, please remember that I am probably drinking, and if you really care about pointing these out, maybe you should be as well. If you reply about an error, self punish yourself to two Schlitz beers. If you hit reply, but catch yourself before sending, drink one.
2. Competitive banter is appreciated. Your beer spilling, livid tirades are not considered banter, but will likely cause some tailgate humor. If you respond with an angry tirade that isn’t productive, you will be sentenced to watching Sun Belt football . . . on Saturdays.
3. Any unauthorized reproduction or selling of this blog is a violation of the Bro Code and will be prosecuted. Your punishment is shame.
4. I refuse to buy into the NCAA’s Bowl Subdivision crap. It is still 1-A and 1-AA in my world and I do not find that politically incorrect. I will not address the Big Ten’s new division names either. They are ridiculous. I’ll consider Nebraska part of the West division and Penn State in the East. Any reference to this nomenclature will be a violation. Sit quietly and reflect on Craig James’ career.
5. If you hear the song, Sweet Caroline . . . well you know what to do. There are no exceptions. Work, church function, wedding, 5 year old birthday party, at the bar, or elevator music are all perfect times to let people know how you feel. Sing it loud, sing it proud. Your punishment for neglect? Obtain Pitt season tickets and attend each game, even if you are there alone.
- To the newcomers or to some of the readers who are starting to lose their memory, you may be wondering at this point how did I get on this blog? Why am I still reading? What is the meaning of life? Did I just soil myself? Well to answer your questions, 1 – you were either referred, you asked to be on, or The Blog selected you. 2- You don’t have anything better to do. 3 – the meaning of life is 42. 4 – You need this.
- A lot of people ask what an BFA is. Mr. Jay Stewart coined the term and I liked it, so it stuck. Blog Followers of Al.
- I cannot guarantee that all internet links are appropriate to watch at work or in front of your children. I will try to stray from anything that will give you a virus, but I cannot guarantee that you perform the act in the video that you will not get hurt or receive a virus. This link for example is one of my favorites and is relatively harmless, however; the humor may have to be explained to your young daughter if she is watching. Here is another example. Even this one may be interesting to explain. You know what though, all of these were published on a channel owned by Disney.
- I would be remiss if I did not at least give you the opportunity to opt out this blog, especially with the consumer protection laws today. Please opt out here if need be and take a moment to provide feedback as to why you hate me.