The Coaching Staff Gets The Team Ready For Saturday
By Editorial Staff
Geno Smith: Hey Bruce you ready for Saturday!
Bruce Irvin: Yep.
Geno: LSU’s comin’ to town! They’re #2 in the country!
Bruce: Yep.
Geno: And College Gameday’s here! I’m going to hangout by Pat White’s old apartment and see if Erin Andr…
/Master of Puppets begins playing loudly over locker room speakers
/Door gets head-butted down
Coach Bedenbaugh: MASSSSTER OF PUPPPPETS GKHGGGG INSANNNNNEEE YEAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Geno: You ready for Saturday Coach?
Bedenbaugh: Oh sh-t Geno you have no idea. The game plans in place, everyones healthy, and there’s C-4 already on the LSU sideline. We do have one more thing to get you guys ready…..
/sound of Red Bull cans hitting the floor
Coach Holgorsen: Hey guys!
Entire Team: Hey coach!
Holgorsen: Boys we thought with all the hype for Saturday we’d do something different this week. Instead of Pizza, Ice Cream, and watching Bum Fight DVD’s, we thought this week deserved something special.
/Lion King theme blares through speaker, cuts off quickly in favor of Goldberg’s entrance music
Holgorsen: If you guys want to win on Saturday….you’ve got to be ready to destroy your opponent….
Geno: Holy Hell!
Holgorsen: That’s why I stole a tiger from the Pittsburgh zoo. Also I TP’d Todd Grahams’ house, but that was for my own personal enjoyment. Today Coach Bedenbaugh is going to show you boys how to kill a Tiger. Coach get ready!
Bedenbaugh: MURDER!
/mounts Tiger
/ tears out juggular with bare hands
Geno: HOLY F-CK
Bedenbaugh: INTENSITTTTTTYYYYYYY!
/projection screen lowers onto bleeding Tiger
Holgorsen: I want you guys to look at that map. Not a single state but our own believes we can win on Saturday. But that’s right where we want to be. They think they can roll in to OUR HOUSE on THIS NIGHT and destroy us. You going to let them do that?
Entire team: HELL NO!
Holgorsen: ARE WE GOING TO DESTROY THEM?
Entire team: HELL YES!
Holgorsen: ARE WE GONNA TEAR OUT THEIR JUGGULARS!
Entire Team: HELL YES!
Holgorsen: THEN ARE WE GOING TO THE FISH BOWL AND DRINK AND EAT SIDES OF BEEF AND F-CK BACON WRAPPED P-SSY TIL DAWN!
Entire Team: HELL YES
Holgorsen: F-CKING BRING IT IN!
/team brings it in
Holgorsen: Nobody believes in this team but the guys in this room and the people of this state! They don’t even believe we belong in the same conference. Well f-ck that and f-ck them! As long as I’m here WVU will go into any conference in the country, f-ck them in the ass, throw it when we’re up by 40 and take their cheerleader’s home with us!
Entire Team: HELL YEAH!
Holgorsen: F-CK EM’ UP ON 3
Entire Team: ONE,TWO,THREE, F-CK EM’ UP!
/team desperses
Bedenbaugh: Anybody going to eat that tiger?
(idea for format via KSK)