FireChuckLandon.com- Luck caused this weather!

When we last left our favorite “scribe in a cheap suit”, he was slobbering Rakeem Cato more than Monica Lewinsky did to Bill Clinton.

Today? Oh, he’s butthurt over WVU and Marshall canceling the Coal Bowl over “student athlete concerns.” But, he doesn’t see it that way. After the jump are all the festivities.

Chuck Landon: Hamrick fought for Herd to finish game

OK, Landon, I get it. Your job is to help drive newspaper sales and ad revenue. I understand that. But, I can say this: a salesman should NEVER lie to his potential customers, and neither should you with your bullsh*t articles.

MORGANTOWN — For months and months, West Virginia University athletic director Oliver Luck refused to negotiate with Marshall athletic director Mike Hamrick.
Probably because Luck is finding a new conference home for WVU athletics. Yeah, there’s bigger fish to fry right now.

But he didn’t have any choice here Sunday night.
Oh boy, here we go with his sentence-fragmented paragraphs that are nothing but lies and half-truths…

Luck, a former WVU quarterback, successfully scrambled away from Hamrick, an ex-Marshall linebacker, when it came to talking about an extension of this controversial football series.
And, also, PUNS! Lots and lots of cigarette smoke-smelling, cheap gin-drinkin’ puns!

Under the current contract the series will end with one final game in 2012.

But when Marshall’s game against the arch-rival Mountaineers was suspended once, twice, three times by Mother Nature here Sunday night at Mountaineer Field, Luck couldn’t avoid Hamrick any longer.
Arch-rival!? Dude, Pitt is WVU’s arch-rival. I’m sure Ohio U is Moo-U’s arch-rival. C’mon, man!

The game officials saw to that.
That’s because these are different circumstances, you mullet-having idiot.

They summoned Hamrick, Marshall associate athletic director David Steele, Luck and WVU associate athletic Mike Parsons for a meeting in the Mountaineers’ weight room after the game had been suspended at 7:54 p.m. with 4:59 remaining in the third quarter and WVU leading, 27-13.

And, yes, Hamrick made up for lost time.
Were you in the weight room with them, Chuck? Or, were you eating all the free food in the press box?

When Luck lobbied for the game to be called immediately and WVU declared the winner, Hamrick’s good ol’ Clendenin boy roots flamed to redneck life.
Now, Landon is insulting the small town of Clendenin, WV. I’ve been there quite a few times, and I must say, stop at the Dairy Queen in their town and get a hot dog. Their hot dog chili is awesome.

On-site sources described the scene as animated and, then, intense. Politically correctness aside, Hamrick was furious. Even an ESPN camera captured Hamrick voicing his distinct displeasure.
Really, Chuck? The same ESPN cameras that captured an idiot wearing a “West F***ing Virginia” t-shirt!? And, it’s POLITICAL CORRECTNESS, you moron.

He vowed Marshall would stay at Milan Puskar Stadium until 3 a.m. before the Herd would concede.
As compared to the following quote he said before ESPN and the rest of the media:

“(West Virginia AD) Oliver Luck and I consulted with our conference offices. We consulted with our team doctors. We consulted with our trainers. And we determined in the best interests of our student-athletes that this game not continue.”

“Our players last ate at 11:30 a.m.,” Hamrick said. “It is a student-athlete welfare issue and that always has been important to me. There’s just no reason to put these kids back out there. It was a good football game. The interruptions obviously weren’t good, but that’s the way it goes.”

Seriously, you don’t wanna keep football players hungry for any period of time.

The only other options were to agree to play later at an agreed upon time, declare it a no-contest or both teams forfeit. The only choice Hamrick reportedly was comfortable with was the no-contest option.
No-contest? Man, Chuck, you must think WVU would bow to Marshall because HAMRICK SAID SO!

The bottom line is Hamrick wanted to finish this game, come hell or high lightning.
More puns!

He drew a line in the, well, puddle.
Seriously, Chuck, do you make these 1-sentence paragraphs because you suck at writing, or because you are just trying to fill up space in the newspaper?

And this time he won, much to Luck’s chagrin.
How?

The teams returned to the field, warmed up briefly and the game resumed at 8:50 p.m., some three hours and two minutes since it was first postponed.

It was indeed a moral victory for Hamrick.
Moral victories are the best you can do against WVU. #YouAreMarshall

The Herd?
Definitely not the word.

Not so much.
1-sentence.

After a 52-yard punt by Marshall’s Kase Whitehead, WVU took over at its 46-yard line and launched an 11-play, 54-yard drive with Vernard Roberts scoring from 1-yard out. That gave the Mountaineers a 34-13 lead.
“That Vernard Roberts, I tell ya what, Jaws, that guy’s a FOOTBAW PLAYER!” -Jon Gruden

And the ensuing kickoff. … didn’t happen.

After only 17 minutes of action, by wristwatch, the officials waved the players off again at 9:06 p.m. with 14:36 left to play. The announcement was lightning had been spotted 4.7 miles away.
Chuck was wanting to read the official’s watch. (Bonus points for anyone who knows which comedian talks about reading watches and what he meant.)

It might have been Hamrick’s temper flaring.
No, Chuck, I saw that lightning when I stopped in Sabraton for some food. That was NOT Hamrick’s temper flaring up. Seriously

Game officials summoned school officials to another meeting and this time Marshall president Steve Kopp joined the discussion.
Hail to the Chief!?

Filibuster anyone?
GAHHHHHH!!!! He combined a bad pun with a one-sentence paragraph!!! STOP, ALREADY!!!

None of this should come as any great surprise. I mean, when is the last time any football dealings of any kind between Marshall and WVU weren’t controversial?
When we weren’t playing each other.

It is inevitable, it seems.
Just like your cheap suits and shoddy writing… inevitable.

And so, I believe, is the ending of this series. After all the delays, gnashing of teeth and contentious conversations Sunday night, I fully expect WVU to make a concerted effort to buy out the remaining game in the series.
Thank God!

After Sunday night’s weather debacle, I don’t believe WVU and Luck wants any future part of Marshall.
We never wanted any part of Moo-U to begin with. We have idiot Joe Manchin to thank for that.

Or Hamrick.
*sighs*

Topics: Cheap Suit Chucky, Chuck Landon, Coal Bowl, FireChuckLandon.com, FJM-style, Friends Of Joe Bowl, Marshall, Mike Hamrick, Oliver Luck, One Sentence Paragraphs, Puns, WVU

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