When we last left Cheap Suit Chucky, he was just so furious that Dana Holgorsen dismissed Marshall as “another opponent.” Now, this week, we see our cheaply-dressed columnist is taking full credit for WVU being put on probation. After the jump is all the fun…
Chuck Landon: This writer deserves credit for WVU story
and let the self-fellating begin!!!!
So, West Virginia University has received its NCAA sanctions?
Yeah, it was in the news on Sunday, you provincial putz!
What a surprise.
Although the punishment of two years probation, scholarship reductions, recruiting restrictions, staff reduction and practice time limitations made headlines across America when the findings were released on July 8, it wasn’t stop-the-presses news in our neck of the Mountain State woods.
Well, no sh*t, Landon… we knew what was coming for a while! Dumbass.
That’s because readers of The Herald-Dispatch were informed of these exact sanctions six months ago.
And, here we go, HailWV.com readers, Chuck Landon is going to start fellating himself because WVU is on probation for 2 years!
In Jan. 12 editions of the H-D, I revealed Mountaineer athletic director Oliver Luck had negotiated a settlement with the NCAA. In legal terms, it is called a summary disposition.
Oooh… I bet it excites his loins to use big words!
What that means to laymen is WVU confessed to the NCAA crimes of committing one secondary and five major violations and self-imposed sanctions on its football program. Then, the NCAA decided that was sufficient punishment.
Crimes!? Sorry, we’re not like Marshall where that’s a pasttime in Huntington, KY.
At the time, my column read, “The settlement, according to sources, involves a reduction of scholarships for the Mountaineer football program, as well as a reduction of graduate assistant coaches and practice time during a two-year probationary period.”
Who are your sources, Landon, the WVSports.com message boards!?
That’s a bingo!
That’s precisely what happened.
WVU was given two years probation, loses two scholarships for 2010-11 and one scholarship for 2011-12. The other internal restrictions on recruiting and staffing also were imposed.
Kinda late on this one, aren’t you, Landon?
Those are the sanctions relevant to new head coach Dana Holgorsen and his staff. But the NCAA also charged former WVU head coaches Rich Rodriguez and Bill Stewart with failure to monitor compliance with NCAA legislation.
Translation: Rodriguez and Stewart cheated.
No, cheating would be not informing an athletic director about what’s going on, then knowing about it while publicly denying it!
Furthermore, both former WVU coaches agreed to those facts, according to the five-page NCAA report.}
Stop doing one-paragraph…
Neither coach was penalized.
That probably has no ramifications on Stewart, whose collegiate coaching career appears to be over. But it does have impact on Rodriguez.
I bet somewhere, some slapdick school (such as the South Central Louisiana State University Muddogs) will hire Bill “Gomer” Stewart, and all his supporters will suddenly become Muddogs fans! Gomer will fit in perfectly with the swampfolk of SCLSU! I wouldn’t wanna coach against Jerry Reed.
That’s because Rodriguez, who was fired as Michigan’s head coach, plans to return to coaching after a one-season hiatus working as an analyst for the CBS Sports Network.
Just one year?
Oh, thanks for that reassurance, jerk!
Just ask his lawyer.
OK… what exactly did you ask him? “Mr. Lawyer, sir, is there a good chance that we can get Rich Rodriguez to coach here if we can’t beat WVU this season?”
“Coach Rodriguez is pleased that the NCAA agreed with the findings that he and West Virginia proposed,” Scott Tompsett told CBSSports.com. “He’s looking forward to doing television work in the fall and resuming coaching next year.”
Ahem, are you listening Dabo Swinney?
What does he have to do with this?
It might be a very good idea for the embattled Clemson head football coach to keep an ear to “The Hill.”
Oh wait… the whole “Rich Rod to Clemson” rumor gaining steam thanks to none other than Cheap Suit Chucky.
There is a caveat, however.
The NCAA sent a letter to Rodriguez and CBSSports.com managed to obtain a copy. It reads, “Although the committee did not impose sanctions upon you, your involvement in these violations will be available for review by any member institution. …”
In other words, Rodriguez would be wise not to ask the NCAA for a reference when he applies for his next job.
Who the hell asks the NCAA for a reference for a job, other than Alex Hammond, who previously worked for the NCAA!?
As for WVU, the Mountaineers escaped with a slap to the wrist. That is a feather in Luck’s cap. WVU’s first-year athletic director was proactive, cooperative and admitted the transgressions.
As a result, WVU was rewarded with less than significant sanctions.
But make no mistake, the NCAA will be watching.
Oooooooh… Big Brother is watching!!!
After two successive WVU head coaches cheated for five consecutive seasons during a span of 2005-2009, Holgorsen will have to prove a new, law-abiding sheriff is in Morgantown.
Isn’t cheated a bit strong, Chuck? You know what else is strong, his dear piss-smelling cologne. He says it attracts the ladies!
Remember, you read it here first.
Remember, it was FJM’ed first at HailWV.com
Topics: Bill Stewart, Chuck Landon, Clemson, Coal Bowl, Dana Holgorsen, FireChuckLandon.com, FJM-style, Fun With Yucky Chucky, Marshall, Oliver Luck, Rich Rodriguez, Stupidity And Hilarity, WVU, WVU Football