FireChuckLandon.com- Holgs dismisses Marshall

Editor’s note: The segment formerly known as “Fun with Yucky Chucky” will now be changed to “FireChuckLandon.com.”

When we last left Doc Holliday fluffer Cheap Suit Chucky, he was speaking on behalf of Marshall AD Mike Hamrick, crappin’ bricks about WVU scheduling JMU at FedEx Field.

Now this week? It appears that Chucky is mad because Coach Holgorsen won’t write a novel on the farce of the rivalry called the “Joe Bowl.”

Rivalry?

What rivalry?
That’s what many WVU fans have been asking all along, “What rivalry?”

That appears to be the mindset of new West Virginia University football head coach Dana Holgorsen as it pertains to the annual Friends of Coal Bowl, which features a matchup between the only two Football Bowl Subdivision programs in West Virginia.
And that’s bad because…? Oh wait, because he didn’t ask your stupid ass for permission first.

Namely, Marshall vs. WVU.
I gotta say, Chuck, you really love those one-sentence paragraphs, don’t you? I guess that must be the thing they teach in English 101 at Marshall, am I right, Chuck? Or, did you just not pay attention in class?

The next installment on that rivalry is scheduled on Sept. 4 at 3:30 p.m. in Mountaineer Field at Morgantown. It will be televised nationally by ESPN.
You’re the only one who promotes this game like it was Ali-Frazier or something.

Besides that game being the debut for the controversial sale of beer inside Milan Puskar Stadium, it also will be the controversial Holgorsen’s coming out party as a collegiate head coach.
Herp derp derp derp! ME CHUCK, ME HATE WVU, ME HATE BEER SALEZ, ME HATE HOLGORSUN! DERP!

How ironic is that?
The only irony here is that Chuck Landon thinks there is one. Slingin poo against a wall and seeing if it sticks… that’s Landon’s style.

The beginning of beer sales at the very same game as the debut of a rookie head coach who was ejected from a casino in Cross Lanes, W.Va., recently for allegedly being intoxicated is the epitome of coincidences.
What are you trying to say, Chuck? You think the Coach is going to be drinking on the sidelines during the game?

What a compelling paradox.
Compelling? No. Paradox? 0/2, Chuck.

Yet, Holgorsen seems blissfully oblivious to the scenario. Why, even Alfred E. Neuman has more worries than him.
MAD Magazine has a better writing style than you do, Chuck. At least we now know who Landon takes after.

Perhaps, that’s because Holgorsen appears to be putting an extraordinary lack of emphasis on both his debut and his Mountaineers’ first opponent.
Because it’s not about him, it’s about the players on the field, like potential Heisman candidates QB Geno Smith and DE Bruce Irvin!

In a recent interview with a Charleston sports columnist, Holgorsen made some interesting comments that are certain to raise more than a few eyebrows among Marshall fans.
A few unibrows, perhaps…

“It’s kind of coach-speak,” Holgorsen was quoted, “but the only thing I’m concerned with is getting better in camp.
OH HOW DARE HE CARE ABOUT HIS PLAYERS DEVELOPMENT!!!!

“It means nothing to me who our first opponent (Marshall) is. It means nothing to me that it’s an in-state game. It means nothing to me it’s a rivalry. It means nothing that they’re green or mean green. They’re not even Mean Green; that’s North Texas.
Boom, roasted!

“All I’m concerned with is lining up and playing well.”

Wow.
Yeah, Chuck, I know… how dare him be so concerned with his players getting better on the field, as well as learning his offense that he doesn’t go in-depth about that slapdick school in Huntington, KY!?

I’ve seen and heard more intensity from a head football coach over a two-minute live period at the end of a daily practice.
Well, when your coach looks as freaky as Doc Holliday does…

Holgorsen appears to be the very definition of laid-back.
And, there’s nothing wrong with that. Sorry he doesn’t

Well, at least, outwardly.
So, you’re saying there’s ANOTHER side of Holgs you wanna know all about, Chuck!?

Or maybe he saves his intensity for big games.
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Obviously by his comments, Holgorsen doesn’t believe Marshall falls into that category.
It’s only a big game for the fat humps in Huntington.

BIG LEAST: Columnist Jim Weber had an interesting comment recently on the web site Lostlettermen.com.
Oh boy, Chuck, you gripe about the Big East when Marshall is in WAY over their heads in Conference USA!? The idiocy never ceases.

While writing about the recent controversy involving the WVU football and Holgorsen, who went from being the coach-in-waiting to the new head coach, Weber offered an intriguing evaluation of the Mountaineers’ schedule along with a no-holds-barred comment on the quality of the Big East Conference.

Everybody ready?
We’re waiting for baited breath, you cheap suit-wearing putz!

He actually believes the Mountaineers could be a dark horse candidate for the BCS championship game.
Which, of course, makes Chuck Landon piss himself in excitement because in some weird, twisted way he comes up with, this could be beneficial to Marshall.

“Yes, it’s a little far-fetched,” wrote Weber. “But with the Big East looking like Conference USA entering this fall, WVU should be favored in all but two contests — Sept. 17th at Maryland and vs. LSU the following week.
I bet WVU will be favored at home by -3 or something… any gamblers wanna chime in?

“And West Virginia has absolutely owned the Terrapins in recent years while LSU will have to win in Morgantown in what will most likely be an extremely intoxicated night crowd at Milan Puskar Stadium.”
LSU fans are a rowdy and rambunctious bunch… I know because I watched The Waterboy!

Hmm, Big East resembling C-USA?
How?

Now, that’s an interesting premise.
Only because he can use it to make comparisons to WVU (the only D-1 school in the state of West Virginia) and Marshall (a community college in Kentucky on the WV/KY border.)

Somehow I don’t think he was referencing the fact that new Pittsburgh head coach Todd Graham came there from Tulsa.

Just a guess.
WVU- 63, Marshall- 9

Just a guess on the score on September 4th in Morgantown.