Fun with Yucky Chucky: His love for WVU

When we last left Cheap Suit Chucky, he was getting Herd fans pumped up for another letdown season in Huntington, KY.

Early this week, Landon decides to write about his favorite topic: WVU. Will he mention beer? What about his undying obsession with Oliver Luck? We will find out.

Oh, and for you sissies that gripe about “properly citing” websites, today’s article comes from the Huntington Herald-Dispatch. Jerks. Now, for those of you that like to have fun, proceed after the jump.

Chuck Landon: Big buyout by WVU exonerates Stewart

Such a misleading headline.

The only number that matters is $1.65 million.

That sum says it all.

The fact West Virginia University was willing to pay Bill Stewart that much money to resign as head football coach speaks volumes.
Yeah, because I believe that’s what his contract called for. I mean, hell, I’m not a lawyer and even I knew that.

Let’s be honest.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!! Chuck, when was the last time you were honest, anyway?

If even a shred of the innuendo claiming Stewart and his wife, Karen, were sources who leaked inside information to me were true, would WVU have paid Stewart anywhere near that amount?
Yes, because there was no clause in the contract for Stewart to be fired with cause, you mullet-wearing putz!

If Mountaineer officials believed the account of a former Pittsburgh Post-Gazette sportswriter who claimed Stewart had asked him to “dig up dirt” on WVU coach Dana Holgorsen six months ago, would WVU have paid Stewart anywhere near that amount?
Refer to my previous point above, Landon.

If Stewart were guilty of any of the allegations that were so publicly bandied about and perpetuated as truth, would WVU have paid him anywhere near that amount?
Again, Chuck…

No, no and no.
I’d accuse Landon of intellectual dishonesty, but you have to be somewhat smart to be accused of that, am I right?

Besides the money, WVU’s agreement with Stewart also entitled the embattled former coach to all benefits, including, but not limited to accrued vacation time and sick leave.
*sighs* How many times do I have to repeat myself, Mulletman?

So, make no mistake, the compensation package including the $1.65 million buyout clearly vindicated Bill Stewart.
Yeah, right! If anything, it vindicated other websites, including this one.

THEY’RE NO. 1: The college football website www.lostlettermen.com has released the “CFB’s Top 10 Most Unruly Fanbases.”

In descending order, they are Wisconsin at No. 10, followed by Alabama, Tennessee, Miami (Fla.), Texas Tech, Oregon, Florida, Ohio State and LSU at No. 2.

Who ranks No. 1 in unruly fanbases?

Who else?

WVU.
Here we go…

“West Virginia sports fans are equal-opportunity offenders — they will hurl insults at anyone attending any sport,” the report said. “As such, 34.9 percent of opposing fans in a 2009 Sports Illustrated survey peg those in Morgantown as the Big East’s rudest. …
Only to Marshall and Pitt fans.

“But Mountaineer fans don’t just treat their backyard neighbors poorly. They’ve been known to hurl obscenities at any opponent, referee or opposing fan.”
Well, refs do make some questionable calls. And, does yelling, McNabb’s a bum to a Syracuse fan entail it as an “Obscenity?” Nope, it’s the truth. Donovan McNabb is a World-Class BUM!

The story also addressed WVU selling beer inside Mountaineer Field this season, beginning with its game against Marshall at 3:30 p.m. on Sept. 4.
Another one of your life’s obsessions, isn’t it, Landon!?

“The collective reaction of those who know what the Mountaineer faithful are capable of with more alcohol?” the report asked rhetorically. “A groan, sigh and then pang of fear.

“Only in West Virginia.”

Now, here’s the really sobering part. … and I use that term figuratively, certainly not literally. There will be a No. 1 vs. No. 2 matchup in Mountaineer Field on Sept. 24. And the respective records of the opponents, WVU and LSU, won’t matter.

It will be a marquee matchup between the most unruly fanbases in collegiate football — No. 1 WVU vs. No. 2 LSU.

In fact, LSU fans already are gearing up for the road game, after learning WVU will sell beer inside the stadium.

“They know we would prefer Red Bull & Vodka (heavy on the vodka) (preferably Grey Goose), but we will settle for beer,” one LSU fan told the FootballScoop.com web site.
That’s because for right now, WVU will only be cleared to sell beer.

“Our plan now is to leave Baton Rouge on Thursday. We’ll take over the Morgantown bar scene on Friday night and if Jefferson (LSU quarterback Jordan Jefferson) plays well, we’ll win by 28. … and we won’t leave the stadium.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Good luck taking over the Morgantown bar scene, you buncha swamp-dwelling, Bobby Boucher-speakin’ morons!

“However many kegs they plan to stock for game days, they’ll need to stock seven times that amount when we come to town. Don’t count on us drinking somewhere in the neighborhood of what the Norfolk State fans drink. … we are LSU.”
BRING. IT. ON, LSU!

And here’s the final brick in the wall.

I hear it’s going to be a night game.
Wonder what Cheap Suit Chucky is implying? That night games get better rating?

Editor’s note: The next time we take down one of Landon’s columns, we will have a surprise for our readers. Until next time, stay tuned.