Why the “Friends of Coal Bowl” Must End… NOW.

Don’t get me wrong, I love to see West Virginia succeed in anything (we) do. The state, and the University. But, ever since the inception of this vile, disgusting, puddle of vomit that we like Joe Manchin likes to refer to as the “Friends of Coal Political Ass-Kissing Bowl” – things just never seemed right. Oh! Sure! Things may seem right in the land of 4,000+ calories per day (Huntington, ahem, Fattington) but things have never been right in Touchdown City.

People in the city of 500 grams of fat will say, “But JOSH! This rivalry is good for West Virginia! I thought you loved to see West Virginia get ahead.”

Remember this?

I mean, I do have to hand it to ol’ Joey boy. To come up with such a monumentally stupid idea and then stamp your name all over it – taking risks and being proud of it. That takes some balls. But the difference is, it was a seriously stupid idea – sort of like this game.

So here are some reasons why the game series must end:

WVU has everything to lose, Marshall has everything to gain.

This is probably the biggest argument the Mountaineer Nation has made. Granted, we aren’t a Top-Tier Overrated football program yet. But to the State of West Virginia and it’s people – WVU is everything that embodies the pride that we have as a people. Sure, you could make the argument that, “I like Marshall when they aren’t playing us.” – but that gets you absolutely nowhere. Marshall wants us to fail. They want us to fail at everything we do – even if it means bringing shame upon the state and it’s people. They don’t care – they have no shame. They’ve already lost everything – so they want us to lose it too.

Sure, it’s not considered a “rivalry” to even our rivals – but they watch. They watch because to them, Marshall is small time. And if we happen to be defeated by them – we will face ridicule, big time. Marshall salivates at that idea.

If Marshall happens to win a game, even ONCE – We will not hear the end of it for the next Century or two.

A lot of people – especially ones that have since moved away, or are from the Northern part of the state have no CLUE what it’s like to live on the ass-end of Turd country. I do. If MooU wins, I as well as many other devoted Mountaineers in this area will NEVER hear the end of it. According to the law of averages – the defeat by MooU is bound to happen – unless we stop it.

You can’t force two parties into an agreement.

We will assume here, that Marshall is all for the extension into 2022. But obviously, Oliver Luck and the rest of Mountaineer Nation is absolutely against it. You ever touch a girl inappropriately without her consent? What happens when you do that? You get bitch-slapped. Or sued. One of the two needs to happen to stop this. I prefer the bitch slapping.

One word: Huntington.

I was born, and raised (moved when I was 13) in that hole. I can tell you first hand – even living 30 miles away, I can still smell the stench in the air. And that’s sad – I lived in Huntington during it’s most recent set of “Glory Years” (right down the street from a crack house). Why force Mountaineer fans to converge on what is basically Charleston’s city dump? The Black Hole of West Virginia? Or in the words of 5th Year Senior over at The Smoking Musket… the reason why West Virginia is Almost Heaven. And I say that with pure vitriol, just because I can. Huntington may not be completely bad – but according to my opinion, I’d prefer to take a shit elsewhere.

So there you go, ladies and gentlemen. Let’s end this. Or actually beat the piss out of them next year – to the point where they throw up the white flag.